I Love Wally World

Yes, I am in love with Walmart. Where else can you go and buy everything including a kitchen sink, be entertained for nothing, and have dinner at a  - 4 star restaurant.   I don't know about anyone else's Wally World, but ours here in Rapid City is probably one of the busiest in the world.  How do I know....They have said so.  No I don't believe everything their PR guys put out, but I have gone to shop at midnight and it is still as busy as it was earlier in the day

I love and hate shopping there.  I love the bargains I can get, and love the money I save.  I hate the empty shelves, long checkout lines and what I hate most of all are the bratty kids that try to run you down. 

Maybe its a game...."Let's get the old fart in the handicap cart."  I know the rules by heart. 

1.  No manners.  You (the bratty kid) are allowed to run in front of said cart, causing the driver to slam on the brakes.....but wait they don't have brakes.  This is where they get their first big score ( probably worth 20 points) and their first laugh.  The old fart (me) frantically lets off of the gas and with no brake is slamming their feet on the floor trying to get the cart to stop before they careen into something or someone and have a huge wreck (10 bonus points for a semi-messy crash). 

2.  Screaming at your friend while you are beside an old fart, rendering them deaf or deafer, whichever the case may be.  This is worth 15 points.

 3.  Ramming your cart into the back of a handicap cart.  This is a high scorer of 25 points.  It takes a certain talent to run down a cart that is only going 3 miles an hour at its max speed.  I don't know how they do it, they come out of nowhere, swerving, and sliding until they SMACK right into the back of the cart.  You (the old fart) are thrown forward and sideways, while trying to stay on the seat of the cart.  You valiantly hang on with one hand while shaking your fist vigorously in the air, and yelling at the young punk " Watch where you are going Stupid!!!"  But do you think this witty remark is sinking into those puny brains?  No!!!  All they can think of is the 25 points they just got for ramming into you. 

I am sure that there are more ways to score....but just thinking of those brats at Walmart has got my blood pressure pumping.  I wonder if I could mount a shotgun full of birdseed on one of those handicap carts.  I bet that would stop their little game fast...  "Hey Stupid come here and meet my little friend, Pepe....I've been waiting to run into you tonight....BWAHAHAHA!"

No, I wouldn't really do that, but a large ice water filled squirt gun would be really nice to have at my side when one of those kids starts to play the game.    Pow - Kerr - Splash!!!!....."What do you think of me now.....The old grey haired lady ain't such an easy target."

I bet we could start our own game....."Drown the Rude and Sassy Punks"   I bet we would have lots of joiners, we could branch out, go nationwide, no wait world wide.  I can see it now shirts with a  large squirt gun on them, hats with squirt guns on them, decals for your trucks and trailers.  Yeah, I know I am not being politically correct, and someone will label this as child abuse....but darn it....what about my abuse.

I think it's about time we old farts stand up for our rights.  And as soon as I can get a handicap cart (I've been waiting for one for 20 minutes, sitting calmly here on this bench in the entrance of Walmart),  I'm going to drive on in to Walmart, at 3 miles an hour, pedal to the metal and full speed ahead. The first kid that tries to take me out had better watch out cause I'm bringing in my butterfly cane.  I'm primed for beer - no I mean bear....ready for action.  I can and will cry......Whiplash.....Let's see how soon Walmart puts a stop to the old fart game, once they have had to pay for an ambulance ride, hospital bill and a hefty lawsuit.  Until tomorrow....read a book, make love and eat chocolate.